Normal Mom vs Me: 70% Water, 70% Coffee

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Normal Mom Me: 70% Water, 70% Coffee

Apparently the human body is about 60% water.

Cute.

Very scientific.

Unfortunately, nobody asked mothers.

Because I’m pretty sure mine is approximately:

70% water.

70% coffee.

And the remaining 40% is remembering shit nobody else in the house remembers.

Yes, the math is wrong.

So is the entire fucking system.

Motherhood does something fascinating to coffee.

Before kids, coffee is a beverage.

You sit down.

You drink it.

Maybe it’s even hot.

Very luxurious.

After kids, coffee becomes a strategic resource.

You make one.

Someone needs socks.

You find the socks.

Someone cannot locate an object sitting directly in front of their face.

You locate the object.

Someone suddenly needs to tell you a seventeen-minute story about a worm.

Very important worm.

You eventually find your coffee.

Cold.

Fantastic.

Drink it anyway.

At some point people started telling mothers to “remember to take care of yourself.”

Absolutely.

Right after I remember the appointment, the lunch, the water bottle, the permission slip, the thing we need Thursday, the other thing we apparently needed yesterday, and why somebody is crying because their banana broke.

Then I will begin my wellness journey.

Hydration is especially funny.

Every health article says:

Drink more water.

Okay.

So you buy a giant water bottle.

Now you own a giant water bottle.

Progress.

You carry it everywhere like evidence that you are a person who drinks water.

Meanwhile, the coffee disappears mysteriously three times a day.

Nobody knows how.

Science has no explanation.

And somehow this becomes normal.

You stop asking whether you are tired.

Of course you’re tired.

That’s like asking whether the ocean is slightly damp.

The better question is:

How functional are we pretending to be today?

Because there is this strange mythology around the “normal mom.”

Organized.

Calm.

Hydrated.

Balanced.

Probably owns matching storage containers.

Meanwhile, actual normal is remembering five things, forgetting three, reheating the same coffee twice, drinking half of it cold anyway, and congratulating yourself because everyone survived Tuesday.

Honestly?

That counts.

Maybe being a normal mom was never supposed to mean doing everything beautifully.

Maybe normal is just this ridiculous mixture of love, exhaustion, caffeine, forgotten water and somehow continuing to show up.

Not gracefully.

Not perfectly.

Sometimes not even fully awake.

But still there.

So yes.

70% water.

70% coffee.

Mathematically impossible.

Emotionally accurate.

And frankly, at this point, I’m not interested in checking the numbers.

If your personal hydration formula also violates several laws of mathematics, you can find the Normal Mom Me: 70% Water / 70% Coffee design on Redbubble.